Brick Walls

The ignorance that is humanity burns me to the core. I haven't decided how personal I am going to get with this blog and by personal I mean real time my life details. I ran in to some hard core bull shit today. It always seems to happen when I release one negative thing , ten more come pouncing on my back. I am absolutely sick of it, I mean literally nauseas, when will it end. I did everyone a favor and stepped to the sideline towards the back corner not visible so therefore not posing any harm. I can not be a threat in this position so it must mean that you just enjoy picking at me, on me, for no reason but your own self pleasure. Your life is just so pathetic that you have to have company for the pity party you are throwing. I am so hurt right now that my mind is not working correct. I haven't felt the need for therapy in such a long time and I don't even think that will be enough. pills are not the answer, been there done that, and they fuck with your mind more than the situation at hand. the stress of me possibly not getting into this course, which then means my life is on hold once again, plus all this negativity being strewn my way. I am either on my way to a break down or a blow up and I can't say which would be better for anyone Especially ME.

So I had to step away from my feelings of Sadness, Anger, and Confusion and I just watched the "Last Lecture" given by Randy Pausch's. Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, and the two things that really resonated with me from the video were his discussions on the head fake and the analogy of the brick wall. The head fake being learning something under the guise of doing a completely different task . The Brick wall really being set up for those who really didn't have the fight in them. Some of the Highlights of the video:

"Be good at something, it makes you valuable."

"The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other people."

"Don't complain. Just work harder."

"Anybody can get chewed out. It's the rare person who says, 'Oh my god, you were right.' As opposed to, 'No wait, the real reason is ...' We've all heard that. When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it."

"You just have to decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore. I think I'm clear where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate. Never lose the childlike wonder. It's just too important. It's what drives us."

Through It all I have found that I do want this badly and that Yes I can do this and NO brick wall is going to stop me from attaining my dreams. I will work as hard and for as long as it takes to accomplish it all. I stand strong, I am human so I am allowed moments of weakness, but I will no longer wallow in it, I will get up, brush of the pain and keep Fighting.

I implore that YOU keep up the fight. There is Greatness in YOU!