Friday, June 20, 2008

Wow what a month! I barely have time to breathe correctly. the learning is in full effect. I feel bad that some of the projects that I started have been put to an halt. still processing and guarding myself and my involvement with individuals. the reward of my patience and dedication will be great. not much else right now. will do a grand update when all this madness dies down. stay focused and blessed.

Saturday, May 17, 2008


I am so desperately trying to change the story of my life. every so often when those changes occur right along with it comes some bullshit. I became so angry today that it literally paralzed my thoughts and actions. I was rendered useless today. I am proud of the fact that I have learned a way to come out of this paralyis in a timely fashion. In the past it would take a couple of days for me to cool off now I got it down to a couple of hours. I want it to be to a point of I blink and I'm over it. baby steps.


There are a couple of things that I am ready for, that I have been waiting for, been patient for and they are Love and Freedom. My life is real stagnant right now and I am too young to be making statements like that. This cowardly fear of failure is hindering my achievements of success. I am trying new things, but I guess not a fast enough pace. life is to be lived and I only have one life to live so I need to get out of the what ifs and what maybes and just DO. I have been living on yout.ube watching other peoples lives or them living once again I am the observer and not the actor. I think it is high time I switch roles. I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my own home. I have no friends partly by choice and partly because people are trifling. The Love issues is important because I have never been in love. I have had people tell me they loved me and I try my best not to lie especially with dealings of the heart so I have not reciprocated the statement. I feel you have to know someone inside and out in order to say I love you. I am processing but like India Arie said I am Ready for Love...

Monday, May 5, 2008


What is up World. IN this day and age medicine is accessible for almost everyone. There is no excuse why this individual should be without medication or outside of a mental ward. This behavior toward an elderly disabled person is downright disgusting.

crazy bitch on the train

Friday, May 2, 2008

Nothing like a woman scorned

Now Here is a good example of how our children should be conducting themselves. Monica Conyers Couldn't even control herself amongst middle school aged children. I personally believe the situation Monica had with the president of the Council had more so to do with a personal relationship between them. She was acting very catty and scorned.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


A teen-faces-surgery-for-upside-down-feet. Bless her heart.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


This little boy ( 7 years old )stole his grandmothers car and ran down the town and believes he should only be punished for a weekend without video games. The boy is quoted saying, " I wanted to do hood rat things with my friend"and" Its fun to do bad things". Tick Tock. I suggest we start getting things in order in our lives because judgment day is near.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Friday, April 25, 2008

One shot closer to Death

Wow! So It's now considered ok to pop off 50 rounds in someone.Ridiculous. For all 3 officers to be acquitted of this massacre is amazing to me. What message is really being sent out to our youth. Yes, I said youth because this struggle is not only in our hands but, it is now placed in theirs. Working with children daily I already fear the outcome of the future, now add all these nonsensical actions and we are really one step closer to an end. What is the value of life? Really what is the value, if actions like these are not punished. My condolences to the Sean Bell Family as well as to all the other senseless murders around the World. Murder is a Crime. Karma is a Bitch. Justice will be served.

Thursday, April 24, 2008



Replace my answers with your own and copy/paste them in the comments section...

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
NOTE: They have to be real places, names and things [nothing made up]!

If anyone [who responded before you] has the same first initial as yours, try to come up with different answers.

You CANNOT use your name for the boy/girl name question.

What is your name? Jessica
A four letter word: Just
A vehicle: Jaguar
A city: Jerusalem
A boy's name: Jonathan
A girl's name: Jada
An alcoholic drink: Jack Daniels
An occupation: Judge
Something you wear: Jumper
A celebrity: John Travolta
A food: Jerk Chicken
Something found in a bathroom: Jergens
Reason for being late: Just missed the turn
Something you shout: Jesus!!
An animal: Jaguar
A body part: Jejunum
A word to describe yourself: Jittery

Sunday, April 20, 2008


I just felt Like sharing a response I recently wrote. It is pretty self explanatory.

People don't have my best interest in mind,people are selfish,people disappoint, people hurt you, people don't care about you, people are trifling, people lie, people talk shit when they don't know shit, people fail to come through when they are needed, people do things that don't make sense,people like to see you fail, and right about now people make my head spin, and my heart hurt, and my stomach nauseas. so to answer no I am not talking to people. I don't really think that I know how to talk to people. I know you think I am weird or weirder depending on what your views of me were before. Actually let me say I'm not speaking face to face or on phones because clearly I am speaking to you now through the internet. phones because I don't have one and if I did I don't have much patiences and people would get shut down and feelings hurt then I will be viewed as mean and passed through the grapevine as such and I am not having it. face to face I don't trust myself not to give the screw face about every situation and I don't want to be continuously known as the miserable one. I don't know if you made it this far down but I guess I should put this as a disclaimer and say that nothing I have said above is directed at you( except the sentence about me being weird). You simply asked the question that I wanted to give the answer to. Thanks for asking I feel a little bit better in this moment. Hope You are well and not frightened to ask another.

This whole not talking to people thing started when I just wanted to get myself in some sort of balance. I believe everything happens for a reason and I was meant to take this break to take time and reassess and to think a whooooooooole lot. I am slowly trudging back to the light. and I will see who is really for me when I get there.

Learn & Donate

Help end world hunger

Interactive Learning Tool as well as a good deed, sounds like something I love. Get to it Peeps !

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

funny videos

That baby don't look like me

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Light

Is beginning to shine through : ). I was able to get into the course that I desired, so my foot is in the door, and there is no stopping the the rest of my body form from flying past that door.
Blessings. Many Thanks to God. Positivity is a wonderful thing.


I found another site that is fun yet educational.
Everyday I am adding to my arsenal.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Brick Walls

The ignorance that is humanity burns me to the core. I haven't decided how personal I am going to get with this blog and by personal I mean real time my life details. I ran in to some hard core bull shit today. It always seems to happen when I release one negative thing , ten more come pouncing on my back. I am absolutely sick of it, I mean literally nauseas, when will it end. I did everyone a favor and stepped to the sideline towards the back corner not visible so therefore not posing any harm. I can not be a threat in this position so it must mean that you just enjoy picking at me, on me, for no reason but your own self pleasure. Your life is just so pathetic that you have to have company for the pity party you are throwing. I am so hurt right now that my mind is not working correct. I haven't felt the need for therapy in such a long time and I don't even think that will be enough. pills are not the answer, been there done that, and they fuck with your mind more than the situation at hand. the stress of me possibly not getting into this course, which then means my life is on hold once again, plus all this negativity being strewn my way. I am either on my way to a break down or a blow up and I can't say which would be better for anyone Especially ME.

So I had to step away from my feelings of Sadness, Anger, and Confusion and I just watched the "Last Lecture" given by Randy Pausch's. Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, and the two things that really resonated with me from the video were his discussions on the head fake and the analogy of the brick wall. The head fake being learning something under the guise of doing a completely different task . The Brick wall really being set up for those who really didn't have the fight in them. Some of the Highlights of the video:

"Be good at something, it makes you valuable."

"The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other people."

"Don't complain. Just work harder."

"Anybody can get chewed out. It's the rare person who says, 'Oh my god, you were right.' As opposed to, 'No wait, the real reason is ...' We've all heard that. When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it."

"You just have to decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore. I think I'm clear where I stand on the great Tigger/Eeyore debate. Never lose the childlike wonder. It's just too important. It's what drives us."

Through It all I have found that I do want this badly and that Yes I can do this and NO brick wall is going to stop me from attaining my dreams. I will work as hard and for as long as it takes to accomplish it all. I stand strong, I am human so I am allowed moments of weakness, but I will no longer wallow in it, I will get up, brush of the pain and keep Fighting.

I implore that YOU keep up the fight. There is Greatness in YOU!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

World Issues

The world is nearing a end, all the craziness , I also went to this psychic site and she had her predictions for death watch 2008 guess who was on that list...don't be lazy go check it for yourself.
I am all for the Homosexual lifestyle being a queer girl myself, and I understand transsexuals, but this right here does not sit well with me. If you made the conscious decision to be a man, then I believe that you have made the conscious decision to take on male "identity roles" and have given up your female "identity roles". What biological man do you know wants to become pregnant and carry a child? What person do you know wants to take an already stigmatized life and multiply that by 1000? If you should find one "man", who is willing to push this child out of a vagina they were born with, one that they clearly in their decision to live as a man should decide not to use, you should then Question why did they decided to live their life as a man? I don't think I have fully processed this. I will have to come back and update. What are your thoughts on the situation?

I am a Reserved Analyst

Interesting little test about personality. I have to say that they were correct check it out for yourself.

While your taking tests might as well check on who is going to represent you best in the up coming election.

Let it go

I Think Let it Go is going to be the underlying theme of this blog and every chance I can show myself as well as others how to let go I will do so.

written by T.D. Jakes and entitled "Let It Go!"

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.

And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.

And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop Begging people to stay! .

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,

Then you need to......


If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......


If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....


If someone has angered you .


If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......


If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......


If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents


If you! U have a bad attitude.......


If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......


If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......


If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......


If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......


If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........


If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......


Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.

GOD is doing a new thing for 2008!!!


Get Right or Get Left .. Think about it, and then .


"The Battle is the Lord's!"

Protect yourself

Just a little humor to go along with full truth

Paris is Burning

I was first introduced to Paris is Burning in a Sociology of the Family class have been in love with it ever since. The movie shows the basic bonds of family in yet another unique fashion. I just wish they would do a present day version of this movies to show how things may have changed or remained the same. Enjoy : D .


It is never to late to educate yourself. Kudos to the school for allowing this older man to get the education he seeks. Kudos to the man for not being embarrassed to admit his faults and finding a way to fix them.

What I would like to know is what is going on with India and why so many of their children are coming out deformed. I know that they are not the only place to have these rarities occur I just find it weird.

God bless them all. Lets keep educating the youth and adults of the world.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Maze and Frankie

I found my jam online today woo hoo!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Open and Shut

Running, Fighting, Dodging every bullet flying my way. I believe in Karma so now I am just trying to figure out what exactly I have done and why I am still paying for it. I have kept a pretty low key life this past year. Socializing with People=Trouble, I have become a master of recluse. Today I went to apply for summer courses, they are pre-requisites for my potential Master's programs, and (Slam!) a door is shut. First I forgot my papers which is ok I'm only human. I return with the papers to find out that even with them I still have to wait 2 more weeks before I can sign up. This would have been all well and good if the class wasn't already half full on the first day of registration. My chances are quite slim in attaining access to this course and that is a major bummer considering I need them in order to be accepted into the program. Running, Fighting, Dodging but still Perservering!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Feed your Brain

Check this page out. Loads of cool memory, attention, cognitive boosters and processing speed games. Enjoy and Learn!

Let it Go

In the past few weeks there have been many indications for me to Let certain situations in my life go. I am a self proclaimed worrier as well as over thinker. I over process a situation until it has somehow warped into another equally traumatic situation.
Ok example, I had a friend that told me they were disgusted by an action I had taken, and had they been the person I did it to they could not forgive me. In the moment I was so caught up in what I had done I didn't really get a chance to process what this " friend " was really saying. Later as I twisted it around, forward, and backward I came to the conclusion that this person was not for me. Yes, I accept that people have a difference in opinions I am first to be that person that doesn't agree with something or someone. I then took into consideration how this person said it to me as truly disgusted.
I am a very direct person and if I don't like you or something you have said I will let you know and/or cease speaking to you. This person had they been a full saint I would have said ok this situation is to much for them and been understanding. This person though was far from a saint and had committed just a bad a situation if not worse. And on top of them doing so expected me to not think badly of them and to reassure them that they were not a bad person. Although I did not ask this person to do this for me because the only person I needed forgiveness or reassurance from was the one that I harmed, I still am truly baffled by the turn of events.
You now want me to act as if everything is peaches and cream so that the delusional world you live in can still be seen as perfect. Snap the hell out of it. So all that to say I am letting feelings, memories, situations and people go and I am not looking back nor feeling bad about it. I need to release all the dead weight keeping me from progressing to my destined greatness. Consider yourself released. I have finally let go.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

A day in my life

First of all I want to thank you for stopping by my blog. There will be a plenty of questions, ranting, rambling, fun facts/links and LOADS of ME! : ) just kick back and enjoy. OK on ward to the blogging.

Here I sit contemplating what is to become of my life. I have a goal in mind and various ways to accomplish it but as I try to access these options (Wham!) a door is slammed in my face. I am trying to remain positive because in the past having negative thoughts did nothing to improve the situation. I graduated college almost a year ago with the thought of taking a year off to have fun, explore maybe find a job and if that paid well stick with that for a year and then think about going back to school. Going back to school is a must for me. The part I am getting stuck with is what school and what program. You see I have many interests that are slowly developing into passions but I have this problem of decisiveness. So in this year since graduation I have had little fun, i did accomplish some exploring and I have found a part time job that leaves me with a headache every chance it gets and no actual plans of what the heck I'm going to do with my life. in addition to making a decision of what school to go to lies if I want to remain in this state that holds a lot of memories and like or to move to another state and start anew. What to do?